wish you were here

Did I mention that everyone hates me and that I’m the worst person on the face of the planet? Yeah.

There’s not much going on but hanging with the girls, so there’s not much to write.

Been talking a lot about next year and what I plan to be doing. And then to my friends it’s the paranoia of hitting 25, my nephews turning 4, and the fact that we’re all starting to realize that we’re never going to hit that point where we actually feel grown up about anything.

I’m ready to get to a beach.

I ran into my old roommate from my freshman year in college earlier this evening. She looks good. We caught up for about 20 minutes and I had to take people home. It was weird. Sometimes I really miss college, being in warm southern California, driving on the freeways. And then I realize that all of my really close friends are the ones I made in high school and I feel this strange detachment from those four years.

My old American flatmate in England called me the other day just to see how I was doing, and I didn’t realize until I went to bed last night how much that actually made my day. That, and all of the girls being here makes me feel so much better today, turning what I thought was going to be a horrible holiday into a time I’m sure I’m going to remember next year.

I had my first dream about Dad about four days ago. He was pretty much how he was in that picture I posted on Monday, except he was with an older man, with gray hair, which in retrospect looked a lot like Gollum– small, lanky, ashen– but not as ill-tempered. I guess the old man was there to stand in for the illness that had taken my father. I don’t know how I knew that, but I just did, as those things always are in dreams.

Dad and I didn’t really say anything. I think we were just too happy to see each other to say anything, being that I never really saw him in any dreams until then. It wasn’t a goodbye dream, that’s all I can know right now. There’s some other things he has to do first, I suppose.

Got a lot of nice things for the holidays, but the girls being here is probably the best one. Everyone called today, which was nice, and ate at Rozzie’s house, where Nat, Jon, Roz and I caught up a little bit.

Now it’s just getting ready for the New Year.

All the girls are here. Let the trouble commence.

Happy Yule everybody.

I think my ritual for today will be cleaning the house, burning some sage, and try and get some work done. I’ve been at the Real Job for most of this morning as it is, so getting some creative productiveness would be a good idea.

And then there’s tomorrow. I don’t plan on blogging at all tomorrow.

The party wasn’t all that exciting. (I’m still debating on whether or not that’s actually good in the end. Probably not, mostly because there weren’t that many people there and it’s been a bad week at the bar in general.)

Why do I feel so acutely sad right now?

Ever have one of those days when you never quite seem to wake up?

Tonight is the holiday party at the bar, which I’m not really looking forward to and I’m hoping to recruit everyone to hang with me at. ‘Course, nobody’s called yet. I really don’t want to deal with my brother who suddenly loses all his control in the office and then there’s the one guy who keeps seeing me when I’m there on a regular work day and likes to point out that I look just like his daughter and then when I’m cashing his check says drunkenly, “Gimme one little kiss.”

I’m really hating men right now. There may be a couple of you who are excluded from this group, so feel lucky.

Am I the only one who’s frightened by this?

Almost… done… with… shopping…