wish you were here

Um. Yeah.

Don’t worry, I’m not totally in the dumps, just haven’t felt like posting this weekend. If anything, I actually feel pretty even-keeled.

Right now I’m starting to get a little steamed at things that Lisa and I were talking about that have nothing to do with me, but involve her, which in turn ends up involving me at some point. Some girls will leave dead animals at peoples’ doorsteps, while my people take it to the stage (I mean, in general. Lisa doesn’t condone the dead animal thing.) And it’s funny how situations parallel a little sometimes. Sorry, I know that’s vague, but it’s really not my business to talk about it here. But if you see a new poem here in the next few days, don’t be surprised.

Hopefully I’ll be getting that computer tomorrow. I’m crossing my fingers.

Got some stuff cooking in my head right now. I think the story idea I had last week might be turning into a script. Maybe.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the conversation Sean and I had the other day about why my plans are. It hasn’t made me scared or unsure of my talent– if anything it’s made me more determined to increase my output creatively– but something about it still lingers in my head.

He said if I wanted to go back to school, I could. I could, but if I really really wanted to, I’d rather just take the money and live in L.A. or in New York for 6 months, which he brought up, too.

But I don’t want to go back to school. I want to write.

With my Bachelor’s, I could try to teach part time. But I don’t want to teach. I want to write.

I think I’m starting to have a too Utopian vision of what I want to do with my writing. I think that might be the lingering feeling, because the thing is, usually the visual I have in my head of how I want things to turn out, on the whole, never really happen that way. And by that I mean either extreme– either really happening as in not at all, or not really happening as in better than in my head.

I know what I can do as a writer– that’s why I’ve tried so many media, including small experiments with TV and comic scripts, just to see if I could at least get started on something and get a feeling for what those would be like. In fact, at some point, I’d really like to do a graphic novel– not a series of books, but just one story, with one artist, that could tell the same kind of story that I could tell with a regular novel.

And then I see the special tonight on Project Greenlight, which I actually considered maybe entering when they had the first contest, and most of the people that made it to the final round were in their late twenties and early (or even mid) thirties. It makes me nervous and gives me hope because I don’t have to be fresh out of college to be able to get somewhere with my writing, but I’m also going to be heading into my late twenties here pretty soon– and I really don’t want to be feeling like I’m waiting patiently anymore. I’m trying to give myself as many opportunites as I possibly can right now so that whatever path comes to be the best one I feel I should take is going to be The One.

That, and I’d rather be thinking about writing on a regular basis, and always having projects to work on that get me paid in some capacity or give me more opportunities to write, than to be thinking about whether or not some boy is going to be next to me to share all that experience.

God I’m so tired.

I just got switched over to the new Blogger, so that’s why yesterday was quiet. Not that I had all that much to say other than about Lisa and I cleaning the house. Well, most of the house– my bedroom is a little chaotic in spots, but that’s for my own sanity rather than my occasional sense of anal-retentiveness.

Lisa does an excellent job of cleaning houses. I highly recommend her for a summer job doing housework. And she needs money.

I think I’m supposed to be getting that new computer today. I don’t mind being on the iBook that much– one of the perks is the radio tuner on iTunes– some of my other programs are slightly old. Though with the cable modem, the world is infinitely better. And that’s such a terribly consumerist thing to say. Yeah, I said it. I like my cable modem.

Yeah. And I’ve been feeling a little better lately, which means I’ve been getting enough iron. No more anemia, it makes me depressed.

Argh.

So, yesterday, a little fuse decided it would pop right out of the power supply on my PC and cause it to do absolutely nothing when I pushed the button.

Being that it had been acting up for the past few months, progessively getting worse over the recent weeks, I figured it was a sign to get a new PC, one that would acutally run all the programs I had installed on it. It’s money I really would rather not be spending, but I figure I might be able to write it off at the end of the year for work. We’ll see. I mean, I am going to be using it for the website and for possible recordings to sell, so we’ll see.

Not a problem, I’ll use my cute little iBook to get online until I get the sexy new PC. I have no problems until I get to Blogger, and for some reason, I can’t sign onto it using IE. So I try Netscape and I have no problems. I don’t really get it, but whatever, I’m here now posting so I can’t really complain.

Today the landscapers came over to fix my broken sprinkler system, since my grass was dying.

Then Sean sat down and we talked about what I want to do with my life. Then we went to Home depot to try and doggie-proof the backyard.

Now I have to go to the store and get some dog food, cleaning products, and nail clippers.

Tonight was the first night I’d braved Roma’s open mic acoustic night in about a year. And in between Andy and I’s making fun of the people there, I realized why I don’t really go anymore. I prefer Mondays instead, really.

Strangely enough, I got a tiny bit of work done. Didn’t think I would, though.

I’m working on a new poem. I’d like to finish it this week if I can, but it’s getting to me very slowly.

Today, work will get done. I swear.

Lately I’ve been getting some queries into whether or not I’m still going to try to get my novel published. Right now, all the stuff with the slam team is keeping me a little busy on the literary front, so I’m taking a break from the rejection letters for the time being.

I’ve also been asked if I would self-publish. As cool as that would be, since I’d be in charge of the whole process, it’s an expensive way to get your work out there. I’d rather have an agent that has the connections and know-how on where to send my stuff. The only thing I’d self-publish right now is a chapbook, and I’m even a little iffy on that idea right now, since I have no idea who would buy the silly thing.

So it goes, I suppose.

Oh, and by the way: I am probably the only person really not interested in Harry Potter.

While I’m glad it’s getting kids to read, they’d be better off with Diana Wynne Jones or the His Dark Materials trilogy that I’ve just started reading by Philip Pullman.

Or you could just get almost the exact same character, except maybe a little darker, and read the Books of Magic comic instead.

9th row tickets for Tori. Aw yeah.

For some reason, after I came home from work today I tried to watch Spirited Away and just ended up getting very tired and falling asleep. It didn’t have anything to do with the movie– in fact, I think it was more to do with the fact that I’ve been going to bed late the past few days.

But they’ve been good reasons for going to sleep late, so I don’t feel as bad about it.

I finished the script at Roma a few hours ago.

I don’t know how it works exactly, but I’m so much more productive not being at home, being in a coffeehouse with a few people around. I couldn’t have gotten anything done if I’d tried to stay home and work.

I have a new idea for a story. I’m not sure where it’s going quite yet, because I have to work it out in my head a little more first.

And I feel like I want to work on the novel, but I haven’t really looked at it in so long I’m not really sure if I’m going to get on a roll with it or not. Maybe I’ll do some of it this weekend if I get the bug or something.