wish you were here

Okay, so was Six Feet Under this week just… I started to get a little misty when Nate walked downstairs in that suit and stood next to David. That show knows my family almost better than I do.

Talked on the phone with my sister-in-law today, the first time she’s really said anything about her and my brother talking about what’s going on with them (not involving a fight). She’s not moving in, if you really wanted to know. She’s bringing my brother to Ani on Thursday though, which might be good for him. I converted him to DJ Shadow, so maybe this will open him up a little more. (At least, if the show’s still on– the San Diego show for tonight was cancelled because her father died on Saturday– I haven’t seen anything about Thursday being cancelled.)

Themes lately (also cross-referenced, also in no particular order): relationships; drama (other people’s); Vegas; boredom; writing; eating; Fonzie; staring.

It’s strange when you think you know a city, but you don’t know it. I think in my life I’ve only barely scratched the surface of L.A., but it’s also way more difficult when you don’t really want to spend money.

But it was nice to not be in Vegas, even if it’s touristy shit.

For the past week or so I’ve been getting this really anxious feeling in my chest, like something’s going to happen– I think it’s the upcoming Blue Moon that’s getting to me. The last time I actually did anything on a blue moon I was throwing flowers into the canals of Venice. I don’t think going to the Venetian and doing the same thing’s going to help.

I think trying to figure out exactly what it is I’m doing next will give me more power than asking Her half-assed.

A strange thing in Santa Monica yesterday: walking out of Borders, some random guy steps to me and says, “You have a problem with me?” My blank stare apparently doesn’t answer his question, so he asks me about some kind of hand/arm motion I made in his direction. “What are you talking about?” I ask. “This,” he says, making this motion, “you got a problem with me?” “Um, no,” was all I could say. “What does this [motioning again] mean?” “Um, nothing.” Apparently this appeases him and he walks off.

Do I make subconsious offencive gestures? You guys would tell me if I were, right?

It took me awhile to digest, because I’d never been approached by a man like that. I think he seriously wanted to try and hit me. And I would have hit him back, too, knowing how my temper flares up sometimes.

Though, really, if he would have swung, he wouldn’t have even even finished swinging ’cause Scott would’ve smashed his face in, right?

Bueller?

Oh, and I got the water bill today. Cripes. Don’t ask.

Yes. L.A. Brilliant.

Untamed Tongues went well, although I may have felt better having friends with me.

I knew 3 people in the room. It was weird. Though the performance went okay.

I’ve been listening to a lot of Queen lately, and I’m not sure why.

Wow, this time last year I was dreaming about going on tour. How weird is that?

The screenplay’s draftable. Going over it tonight I was really miffed by my lack of pacing the last half of it. I may just have to shuffle some scenes around. I really want an outside opinion so I can get some perspective on it.

And I printed out a new manuscript of Lost, hopefully to get more motivated to ask the fiction writers I know to get a workshop together. I feel good about that book, but I just can’t seem to get momentum behind it to get it sold.

I’m hoping maybe trying poetry first will help, but I’m not sure. It’d be nice to start getting paid for these things that aren’t journalism.

Though getting paid for reading poetry was nice. Just not nice enough to, say, pay for the new floor.

Or the pipes that broke in the backyard.

Where was that benefactor, again?

I’m still trying to understand the metaphorical significance of this being in my backyard.

Yeah, it’s like I was telling Kim yesterday: we don’t need kids, we just buy puppies.

Off to the gym now.

I should be running errands instead of posting.

Feeling not inside myself today. I think it’s a hangover, but I’m not sure.

And I need to start researching poetry journals and grad schools today, too.

Yes.

Fixed some things.

I’m trying to figure out how to fix that sidebar so the color goes all the way down, but I’m doing something wrong and it’s far too late right now to get more frustrated. So, tomorrow.